remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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