don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
