remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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