I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
