I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
