Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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