It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
