Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize