I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
