On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
