I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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