True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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