what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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