she was so not down for the gang bang
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
