I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
try to milk me bitch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
