Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
