4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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