I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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