every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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