i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do herpes really smell.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
