why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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