duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
