Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
