is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
