There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
