I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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