an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
