yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
jump out the window naked night went bad
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
