And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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