That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
