After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
