happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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