I bet he comes in French.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
