well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
