im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize