my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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