Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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