The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
