Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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