mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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