I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize