Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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