you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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