Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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