can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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