wat bout pragnant strippers??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
