ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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