This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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