She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
