Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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