You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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