Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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