It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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