If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
