Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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