your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
