I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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