Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
