I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
