Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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