y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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