The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
