Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
