the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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