if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
