Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
