Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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