I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
