Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
