I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
