They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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