i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
