You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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