the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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