you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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