Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
