Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry about my life...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
