So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
