I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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